Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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