Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
