Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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