my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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