Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
