Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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