3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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