Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
