oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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