At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
