If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
