Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
