if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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