i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
