We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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