does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
