A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
