that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
