You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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