he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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