just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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