they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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