She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
