can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
