I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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