so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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