I cockslap morals
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
