There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
