If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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