A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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