I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
