Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
