Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
