you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
