Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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