upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think my moral compass just broke
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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