the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we're so committed to being not committed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
