i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
