I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
