she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
