Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
