**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
