Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
