Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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