atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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