no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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