Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
