My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
