She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
