note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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