The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I touched a dick in church today
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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