Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
