You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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