I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
