my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
