The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
