Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
