i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
