I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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