so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Did I show you my penis last night?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
