I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
