I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
